but a few things he said did stand out , felt like he was speaking to me about me directly . basically reminding us that life isn’t where it all ends  , that we’re here now for a reason .

“dont let the small joys of life distract you from your duty towards God. when you pray , pray as if you see God before you , for even though you don’t see God , God sees you.”

 it’s no secret i’m falling behind on my prayers . i’ve always beleived in God , i’ve never lost faith and i know God exists. I dont need visual proof, i try to see beyond the simple inheritence of Islam from birth. all the details of the Quran aside which i have complete faith in, i know we didnt evolve from monkies i know that the eveloution of man along this universe didnt just simply happen and end when u go into the dirt . But yet , i keep falling back from praying.  5 simple prayers a day that are 5 minutes of my time each. a friend of mine once heard some guy explain faith logically and mathimatically. it’s like this , let’s say God does exist , if you were faithful you’ve got something to gain , a glorious after life , paradise and so on . if you weren’t faithful , then you’ve got something to lose , and eternal punishment . if however God didnt exist (ista’3fur Allah) then you have nothing to gain and nothing to lose wether you were faithful or not . so regardless if your faith (or lack there of) is blind , theres more positives in beleiving in God than not to.

it’s easy to blame , but it’s hard to accept . i’m not just ascending , i’m dropping like a rock. something needs to change . it all makes sense when i contimplate it , i can’t take any of these things that waste my time when i’m 6 feet under .

Unfortunatly thats not the only place that i got to thinking about. my health is just getting worse , i breathe heavy after any ounce of effort , i quit smoking maybe 2 weeks ago  but thats not the whole 9 if i wanna get back in shape , i need to eat right and work right , and that means getting my sleeping habits on some sort of routine . Ramadan slows the process down but while that’s on the brink of finishing i need to get a good sense of commitment if i’m going to acheive anything . aunts and uncles even cousins dont see me weeks sometimes months at a time when the rest of the house goes almost every night. 

i’ve got everything to lose , plenty to live and die for , but over the years i just watch myself build these 4 walls around me without thinking . I’ve seen and been through enough to make me this bitter cynical distant person . i can’t be blamed , with all the boundries , the kind of people i come across , the good i see in few inspires me to be good but the keyword here is “few” . it’s hard to stay on track after all  , how can u focus on one red rose you try to see through a wall of thorns that surround you?

what’s happening to me?

Woke up at 1: pm today , so missed my one university class , no regrets though , i had homework to hand in which i didnt really do. gives me time to do the homework and make up some excuse why i didn’t show up.  … what? at least i’m going to do the homework. i used to take advantage of people’s kindness and tell them to make two copies of their assignments…one for me. and dont get me started on cheating in exams. ehh grades are over rated anyway , as long as you know the content you’re being taught or at least the gyst of it , that should count for something. when you go into the working world you’re most likley going to start jobs that have nothing to do with what you learned. Not always the case , but it can happen . 

after i took my time waking up did my dailies , i then walked into the kitchen ,  reached for a box of kellogs frosties and poured it in a bowl .I then remembered one important detail right before i took the first bite, It’s still Ramadan. turned my Xbox on  , played video games during which i was being lectured about skipping class. makes me wish i left the country for University when i had the chance , but nope. even though they seen me , or rather catch me in the act of skipping classes in between the two years i’ve been at Uni , we still manage to sit down and have a nice little chat about the importance of education , and responsibility ,  and i’m always oh so enthused during these little “chats” …it’s like hearing it all for the first time… all one million of them . heh , yet i manage to get good grades in the end.

 The diffrence between my family’s point of view and mine is , they beleive in order and systems and rules that need to be followed by the letter , me on the other hand , i use every loophole i can without raising too many eyebrows. BUT  they cant seem to see things from where i’m standing. how can they? they’ve never tried . well read on and you’ll get a better picture painted for you.

after the lecture my mother came into my room..again.. and some how found out that my exams were going to be directly after my Eid holiday (7 days long) during which i’m going to be in Oman (10 days) , getting R&R with my Dad , brother , and some of their friends , and catch fish on an island that looks like it’s never been touched by modern man.

And so the nuke drops. obviously i knew all about exam period , i also knew i could probably postpone the exams into a later period , but there’s always a disadvantage  having cousins around in your university that may as well be town criers . so as my mother ever so ”calmly” informs  me about the exam period colliding with the fishing trip , stopping me from saying anything everytime my mouth opens , my father overhears from the otherside of the house and if the words “education , responsibility , or eductation” are ever uttered in a sentance he comes running like a shark smelling fresh blood.  after  mom was done here we go with round two with dad , talking AT me like i dont have a clue what i;m supposed to do and said to get my exam schedule tomorrow. now here i got to say one sentence in.  ” exam timings aren’t specific and not all have been announced yet , and i was going to handle this on my own by the way , i knew what was going on in my on university by the way , i go there.” then he gives me this look like i’m speaking nonsense… fastest way to end a conversation with my dad is saying “your absolutly right , i didnt know what i was thinking , i’ll get right on it” otherwise these things drag on and on , and i shit you not , i fell asleep standing once. lectures….they’re like watching soap oprah re-runs when they’re from your folks

so that was interesting..lol

on a lighter note , i went with my brother to see the signboard we were putting up for the business me and him are starting together. looks awesome…real professional , thanks to his friend who designed the logo and got the best (and most expensive) plastics company here to do the sign for us at half price. success really is about who you know isn’t it? can’t wait till we open.

let’s see , what did i do today? well for one i didnt ditch any of my classes…my accounting professor has only seen me twice since the semester started two weeks ago. mostly because i just can’t stand his sloooww unchallenging approach to teaching the damn subject… he teaches like it’s a chore..and his accent..i cant get past his accent. it’s in my head right now for f**k’s sake.

passed some flyers around , helping my family promote a new business they’re starting up soon as the mall they reserved a space in get’s up and running (renovation).

 i’ve been thinking about food all day… funny how i dont even eat that much when i break my fast. but soon as it’s time to get grubbin’, i’m going to dash to shwarma express and get myself two chicken jumbos with no veggies , ooo and mexican sauce in one , and italian in the other…haven’t tried the mexican yet . but some girl at university recommended it…better be good lol i’m paying good money.

 Ignored gym since Ramadan started , but i’ll get back on track after it’s over..only like two weeks left anyway. we get a week’s vacation which will sidetrack gym again , but i wouldnt miss my annual fishing trip to Oman for the world.. i’ll tell you all about it when i actualy go there ….umm get back from there i mean.

well…bout an hour till i can eat…i’m gon just sleep till then , maybe drag a few friends with me when we get shawaramas…mmmm shawarmas

 the main reason i started my own blog is because i honestly have no real release to express myself  . i’ve always been private and to myself about my thoughts and ideas except with my closest of freinds, but even some i hold back on. this is mostly because as open minded as a person may say they are , people who are close to you always have high expectations of you , and if they see something outside the norms of what they are used to , they come running trying to better you , but rarely try to understand you .

 Conformity… invisible shackles that bind us together creating an illusion of brotherhood , in a daunting quest to seek validation. everyone wants to be accepted , but being of good will and benevolent intention is no longer enough. people aren’t classed by there good will , but their financial wealth , or even by the name they carry . if classes exist then boundries exist , and i’m not saying that all people should all turn communist (LoL)

i’m saying , how often to you see a multi millionaire have a carpenter for a friend? why should that matter? people choose to stick to clans , society looks down upon those who they can’t drain or make use of. everyone wants to aspire to do great things , regardless of where their drive is taking them , but when someone reaches that level where you are “looked up to” we want to beleive that this “hero” shall we say is greatly respected , but today heroes are plain envied , everyone wants to see them fall. and when u are and average everyday person , they could care less. so we push harder to become those people that everyone will love be it by material possessions or showing some sort of dynamic presence , what i dont understand is why people deny themselves freedom of thought , by trying to be “that kind of person”…why can’t they just simply “be”?

I’m Blessed by God to have a good family that has raised me , and its safe to say (alhumdullila) we’re well off.. but i’d be just as happy growing up as a humble fisherman for example. because of who i am , the part of the world that i come from , and the environment i am growing up in , no one around me would aprove of certian interests , everyone is intranced in the glamore and prestige of holding job titles such as , lawyer , docter , business man etc.  but look down upon say , a member of a certian family being an entertainer (singer , actor) not that those are my personal interests. it doesnt give me any room to really , truly be myself in the full sense of the word. formalities cover most of my life , protocol is always followed , and because of “who i am” i can’t do as i please . i think Americans have a saying thats reffered to when speaking of marriage but for me it’s life in general …the “Golden Cage” they call it . everything looks nice…but it’s still a cage , guess this will serve as a place for me to say whats on my mind without worry . oh well..we’ll see.

i’ve rambled on enough for one blog entry i think. felt good though

 anyway ,